Just quit now.
1- First off, cycling is beyond boring.
It’s so simple. All you do is sit in a saddle and just let your mind wander. Who even relaxes these days? If cycling is even considered relaxing…
2- You’re better off exploring in your car
Cars are just all-around better. Why use your legs when you can just fill up the tank with your hard-earned money and sit in traffic? Cycling just doesn’t make sense.
3- And no one really wants, toned, and well defined legs anyways.
Have you seen Michelle Obama? Bearing arms is where it’s at. Leg day is a thing of the past.
4- Forget meeting new people, it’s just not going to happen.
So you’re on your bike alone, and then you get off your bike to socialize? No chance, partner. Cycling just isn’t about having fun with other people. You’ll just be suffering in silence the entire time - before, during, and after. No thanks.
5- And saving money by commuting is all a hoax.
Thats what they want you to think. Save yourself time and money and sit in your warm, cozy car. You might get to work late because you’ve been in traffic, but don’t worry…most bosses are cool with that. Right?
6- Cycling just can’t be good for you, there is no way.
Whether its sweating profusely, jumping over obstacles, or being outside in general, cycling just isn’t a good idea. You’ll develop zero good habits. Who even likes nature? Or people? Or air? Not me.
7- Research shows that staying at home is best for your mind and body.
The best way to expand your mind and horizons is to…relax and rejuvenate on the couch, right? Gimme some Reddit and takeout pizza boxes for my Saturday, please!
8- Warning, you may feel compelled to eat healthy as well…avoid this craving at all costs.
So you’re going to turn down soda, pizza and cheese-its for fresh fruit, veggies and …water? Are you serious? What is this, the health craze of the 80’s?
9- As well as consume vast amounts of coffee and beer. Who even likes coffee and beer?
Gross and gross. There are even these small little shops and places you can go where you can work, sample, and “enjoy” one of these cups or glasses of nasty. Yuck.
10- Cycling can’t possibly make people happy.
Science has proven that exercise makes us depressed and slovenly. Or wait…is it the opposite of that? I can’t remember.
11- It’s either a workout, a journey, an exploration, or a way to bond with people…all things we can certainly do without.
I do just fine on my own. By myself, in front of my TV. Just me and my cat, horizontal at all times.
12- Even if you wanted to, you can’t even race on bikes.
Why even make a “sport” if you can’t even compete, go fast and travel the world while doing so?
13- And to top it all off, most cities and communities don’t even cater to cyclists needs.
Not one city. None! If cities don’t even cater to cyclists, there must be a good reason.
So it’s clear - plenty of reasons why you should stay away from cycling at all costs. But don’t fret, I’ve heard running is fun.